When I was much younger, I used to think I was a damsel in distress just waiting for my life to begin (thanks a lot, Disney movies). Of course, all of this could only happen when Prince Charming came on the scene, right? I really thought that I *needed* a man in my life to be happy!
Well, needless to say, all my hopes and dreams were pretty much smashed in the romance department and I didn't know what to do with myself or my life.
And, while I'm sad that things didn't go as planned, I am extremely grateful for some big life lessons I have learned.
I realized that I was putting WAY too much pressure on the whole idea of love / romance AKA "that special someone" to complete me / make me happy. No man can live up to that! It's unrealistic and unfair to completely rely on another human to make me feel good about myself / "save" me from my circumstances. It just doesn't work.
What I now know is that it is most important to look to JESUS for ultimate completion / fulfillment / happiness. Only HE can provide that rock and stability I need to feel secure and confident, not in myself alone, but in what He helps me to be!
I am so amazed at how, even when my heart is aching and broken, even when I don't get what I think I want, if I only remember to lean on the Lord, He fills me with an indescribable joy and contentment.
1 Peter 1:7-8 tells us that "the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is
perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise
and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and
though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see
Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible
and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls."
And I know that this is the answer. Only God can fix the brokenness within me. He is the source of joy, hope and salvation from circumstances.
Don't get me wrong, relationships can be a beautiful, amazing gift from God! He designed it so perfectly and I can only dream of what it must be like to have that. But, if He does bless us with that, it is icing on the cake, not the whole cake! And, if He doesn't allow us to have that, we still have something wonderful, amazing even.
I can still be complete in Him and my heart will rejoice in the Lord!
I've heard it said before that you can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one. And, I think that's pretty well true!
What Paul says in Philippians 3:13-14 makes a big impression on me, "one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching
forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."
We can't really move forward, physically or spiritually if we are constantly looking behind us.
But, I've definitely been guilty of doing just that- holding on to the past, with all of its heartache and what-might-have-beens / what-should-have beens, etc.
I've been the one hiding out from life and all of the new exciting opportunities / friends in front of me.
Because I was flat out scared out of my wits of opening myself up and getting hurt all over again.
Scared of moving on to the next chapter of my life!
Circumstances far outside of my control spun my world off its axis and turned my life upside down.
It took me awhile to figure out how to handle things. Well, I'm STILL trying to figure out how to handle things.
But, I'm a lot more at peace with my situation.
I have plans, hopes and dreams that have been reignited and seem to grow bigger every day.
I'm starting to remember who I am for the first time in a long time.
And, I'm not scared anymore.
I don't have to have all of the answers right now or even understand everything, I just have to trust.
My eyes are fixed squarely in front of me and I'm starting to see the beauty of God's greater plan.
I now have my heart wide open and am starting to put myself out there for who I am, whether people like me and accept me or not, because God loves and accepts me and that's all that matters.
I'm ready to live again, to embrace life exactly the way it is in all its imperfect craziness.
I know there will continue to be bumps and scrapes along the way.
I am absolutely sure that I will at some point, maybe even today, fall down and get hurt. But, I'm OK with that. :)
Life is beautiful and the sunshine of a new day is warm and inviting!
It seems like when life gets too tough to handle, even when you don't tell your friends and family, they just seem to know somehow. They gather around you, let you spend the night at their houses, offer to come over at random hours of the night and talk, bring you food, watch your kids for you, send you thoughtful texts and pray for you.
They just seem to be there right when you need them at exactly the right time. And, you realize that you are not alone. In fact, you never were.
But, the devil? He sure wants you to believe that you are in this life alone.
That your battles are so bad that you can't talk to anyone about them.
He wants to make SURE that you feel as isolated as possible, that you have messed up so bad that nothing can ever be right again. That no one could possibly love you if they knew what a flawed person you are, etc, etc, etc...
But, it simply isn't true. None of it is.
Romans 8:37-39 tells us that "we are more than conquerors through him who loved us" and that "neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor
height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to
separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
God always loves us. Even when we mess up. The devil CANNOT on his own separate us from God's love! He can, however, deceive us into to feeling isolated, alone, "too flawed" and trick us into turning our backs on God. But, God is always right there for us and, in fact, goes AFTER us like in the parable of the lost sheep: "Suppose
one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave
the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he
finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home," Luke 15:4-6. That just means so much to me to know that he is willing to carry us back like that, to know that we can't sneak out unmissed and unwanted.
And, then when you see God's people passing along that great love to each other it's one of the biggest weapons to combat the devil's lies.
So tonight I am just very thankful for my friends and family who remind me daily of God's love through their love and kindness toward my kids and I. And, for God who watches out for us and provides what we need at exactly the right time.
And, I'm thankful to know that I am never alone.
A lot of things are weighing heavy on my heart today.
Some days I feel sooo strong, like I can get through anything, no matter how tough.
Sometimes I even feel really happy!
Other days, I feel like I just can't face the day. That life is too hard. And sometimes I even foolishly deceive myself into thinking that nobody really cares or understands.
And, then comes the guilt....because wow, look at these wonderful blessings in my life- my children, friends and other family, a steady job, a safe apartment, a running car, etc. Why can't that always be enough for me? Why do I think I need more?
But, then I remember that I'm only human. And, that I have had a lot of big disappointments in life.
And maybe it's ok to cry about it sometimes for just a little while.
I don't like to let myself be vulnerable a lot because then I'm experiencing emotions and exposing myself to heartbreak. So I don't often let my defenses down.
But, maybe it is ok to not be tough all the time and allow myself to just be vulnerable.
But, I can't always be like that.
I need to endeavor to turn my eyes away from my selfishness and look to Jesus who said this to Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness..." with Paul's response, "I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with
persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak,
then I am strong." 2 Cor. 12:9-10.
And I'm comforted to know that He is my strength when I just can't be strong.
"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1.
So I've been back and forth in my mind about whether or not to start a blog. I've received some kind encouragement from friends that maybe I should write more.
Really the question is more about....hmmm....do I really want to expose my life to the world....well, I don't know because....
I'm not exactly your typical "mommy blogger." My family dynamics don't look like what you would hope to find in a more perfect world. I'm living the life of a single working mom (used to stay at home and homeschool, but can't now due to financial reasons), live in a cheap apartment (that is not decorated like a Better Homes and Gardens magazine), I only have 2 kids (instead of like 12 or something- don't get me wrong, I love big families super much!), I love to craft but haven't in a while due to lack of that little thing called time that I never have enough of. Not to mention, I wouldn't probably post lots of pics if I did since it would go something like this....
Yeah....nuff said on that subject....
So, to blog or not to blog???
Obviously, I decided the answer to that question was a YES or you wouldn't be reading this! ;)
Why?
Well....because I decided that I didn't have to fit the profile of the perfect mommy blogger to write about life. That I didn't have to be one of those perfectly perfect pinterest moms (more power to you if you are one, I live in perpetual awe of you!)...that maybe, just maybe, I could just be ME! :)
Maybe my life isn't perfect, but I love my life, love my kids and do enjoy writing quite a bit. God has blessed our family a TON with way more than we even need. And, I am truly happy, in fact, pretty much bursting with it right now!
Life has taken some crazy twists and turns and I'm learning to hang on and enjoy the ride!
So, stop by and read from time to time if you think you can handle it. ;)
